Girlfriend(s) !!

When I created the blog the third thing on my mind was to start it with a light humorous post. So here it goes…

There was a time in this world, the time when the last dinosaur was yet snoring, the time when the whole world was full of peace. All the great men who ruled different bits of this planet sat together and redefined the future of this planet in such a way that there would be peace in the coming 6417(I chose this number only because this is my bike number and not because I read it in some history book long back in school) light years but then the God, who was unhappy with the peace on earth, sent ‘girlfriends’ to this planet. This started all the enmity and war and the blood flowed just like wine used to flow before. This is what my theory of Human Evolution is and I am not going to change this whatsoever may happen.

By now, few of you readers might start thinking this piece of writing as completely anti-women and might have even typed the number of Women Activists and ready to call them. But please stop, take some time, read the below written lines completely and then you will have complete freedom to decide if you want to call them or call me and console me. Before I start, let me clear one more thing, this is neither about women nor about girls nor about life partners, this is only and only about ‘girlfriends’!

Yes, there was a day when I too had a girlfriend. I had kept this secret with me for all these years but today I open up my secret to you all only if you promise me that you won’t tell this to my Mom and Dad. The experience was so ghastly that I still remember those days when I get upset or see defeat in front of me. Although nothing changes, I still feel I had sailed through much deeper and stinker problems. Believe me, the day I left my girlfriend was so lucky that finally I could breathe the real O2 and drink the pure H2O and eat something that kicked off my taste buds and finally filled my stomach to its full and gave me an eye full of sleep. Until then, I had turned into an insane man who had forgotten the happiness of life. I just used be like a mobile, everyday switched on by her message, start acting in the profile she sets me, beep a few times, sing once or twice to the tune she chooses, show the face she wants to see as profile pic, and remain in silent mode for the whole day ending it with a final switch off when she gets sleepy!

Reading my daily report in one sentence few of you might compare it with yours, other few might just wonder if that was the truth or if I am just bluffing and the rest all will have a blank mind. Anyways, please read on.

Stopping all the nonsense talk which I have been doing since the third line, let me just write a simple incident that I remember the most.

Everyone knows how it feels on a lazy chilled winter morning when you need to rush to your work just to make sure you don’t miss out that boring call with the client who never agrees with you and will never leave you to agree with him. Yes, on that specific day I too had same frustrated feeling like my body being thrown out of bed half asleep. All know how badly the body needs a cup of coffee/tea during such mornings, I too headed straight to the coffee shop after finishing up the call which not only wasted my 1 hour but also the client’s 1 hour 10 minutes just because I had joined 10 minutes late into the call. Shedding up purse as I bought that much needed cup of a strong hot coffee and was about to lift it up to my mouth and take in a sip my mobile beeped alarming me of a message. I don’t know what went wrong in my brain at that time; I just put a pause on my coffee and opened up my mobile to check the message.

call me dr. its urgent.

This message had come straight from none other than my girlfriend. I am sure you smart brains will have figured that out not because it contained the word ‘dear’ but the way it commanded me to do something. I was pretty shocked by this message as she had been to her hometown for some function and no way could she message me with her parents and others around her giving me full freedom of one whole week which I was enjoying and suddenly I felt like being jailed by reading that message. Just when I was thinking of the reason behind this sudden message I already received another message,

dr its urgnt...

“Oh God, why have you made these girls so impatient and so free of time” I said aloud enough so that only God could hear me and called her up.

I heard her cute voice saying “Helllooooooo good moooooooooooorning… busy?”

Her cute voice and the style of wishing good morning with that extended morning completely mesmerized me as it had done many a times and turned my mind upside down. With that sudden change I said sheepishly “Good morning dear, not at all busy for you”

“Sooo nice of you. That’s why I love you”

“Ooh is it? And how much do you love me??” I asked trying to be romantic changing myself from that official call’s formal talk to a romantic chat and setting my mood rightly to that chilly morning with the fog all around me, few of the flowers which had struggled all their life just to blossom in this romantic weather had come out of their buds and smiling at me, the reason of their smile I had never understood in my life, the countable number of sun’s rays which had already escaped numerous barricades and

reached the earth were glowing up the earth’s places here and there out of which one ray was directly falling on my coffee cup, of course made of stainless steel, which I had placed on the table in front of me and from there the reflection of the sparkle was directly striking into my eyes. The sweater which I was wearing was not only protecting me from that temperature but also giving me a special effect like a Bollywood hero wearing a sweater on an early morning and trying his luck at his love!

All this scene was shattered in seconds when suddenly she broke me saying, “Dear, let’s talk later on that. You know my mom is walking all around me. Now listen, I want you to book a train ticket for my aunt. You see I already promised her and I know you will do it. Please pleeeeaaaasssseeee na”

I knew that second extended ‘please’ was only to captivate me and break my anger of that sudden burden on me of booking the ticket. That aunt of her would certainly be travelling with my money. I had no choice except to nod to her. With a great trouble I had to get that sound out of my voice box and give her a positive reply.

Running back to my seat I opened the railway’s website and logged in to book the ticket in Tatkal, a special facility provided by the Indian Railways for lazy people like her aunt who never book ticket in advance and always want to travel with a reserved seat booked by burning a hole in others pockets. I don’t know if I was unlucky or if the aunt was lucky, but I got the availability and got a ticket for her. Before I could confirm the ticket and complete the transactions, my mobile beeped with a message.

dr is it booked? why so late?

Oh God. Had she ever logged into any of the booking websites? Had she ever done any online transactions? Doesn't she know how much time it takes to click a tab on a booking website and wait for the next screen? Doesn't she ever get to know how it feels sitting in front of that bloody screen waiting for the transaction to complete showing the message of money deducted from account?

I suddenly turned furious but thinking that would just spoil my day I cooled down and waited till the transaction completed and then mailed her all the details and sent a confirmation message.

thnks dr... tlk to u later...

That’s all guys. End of it! Nothing more than that. Disappointed, I picked up my coffee, may be after half an hour of buying it and went out in the sun to drink it. It had turned colder than a cold coffee. The romantic morning had died down, the flowers which were smiling earlier were now laughing at me, the rays of the ever bright sun had found me uninteresting and turned their routes away from me, the coffee lost its taste, the sweater started sweating me and finally the morning with which I had fallen in love with started hating me! Finishing the coffee within 3 gulps that dint trigger my taste buds and also dint touch my throat just flowed into my stomach and I was back to my seat with that disastrous look every boyfriend has in common!

I then closed my eyes, remembered the Lord himself and yelled in frustration, “God, When will boys understand girls?”

I heard a meek voice echo all around me, “Son, let me understand them first!”

Now, my dear readers, I leave the decision to you on how your response would be to this. Before any decision you make, let me clear again, this was a light fictional humor on ‘girlfriends’ !

Vishal...

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